The way I see it, now teen-dom is well behind me, teenagers live by two principles; food and hormones. (I fear these ideas just show how terrifyingly adult I have become). Teenagers can throw tantrums and have epic mood swings. They’ll be sweet and cuddly one moment and bite your head off the next.
My teenager lived by the two principles, and this spring I will find out if he still does.
Spring? How do the seasons have anything to do with this.
That’s because my teenager is The Horse. Believe it or not, a teenage horse can be just as riotous to deal with as a human teenager, the risks of being murdered by Death Glare are just a bit higher.
Just picture a scene; horse and rider gaily prancing along, Spring is in the air, the birds and the bees making the horse spook every few strides. Then before them lies a perfect stretch of field to let loose that Spring energy and have some fun. Horse and rider take off, rider screaming bloody murder as the horse bolts, flicking it’s tail and bucking merrily while the rider holds on for dear life.
That, is Spring. Now add the hormones of a teenager and your life is in jeopardy.
But I digress…
I have so far been fortunate with The Horse in that he is so relaxed when he isn’t spooking, that any sudden bursts of hormonal anger or exhilaration have so far been avoided. He is however, incredibly interested in The Ladies.
When I first acquired The Horse every mare was ‘mother’. Without a mare by his side he was hopelessly lost in the world. He shadowed whichever mare he was living with so closely that her tail was his fly swat. Her grass, was his grass. It was cute in the way of a pre-teen child holding it’s mother’s hand was cute. As in ‘Aw, are you a mummies boy/girl? Aren’t you a little old to be holding hands?’
Fast forward almost a year. It’s Spring time and the story changes. The Horse has met other geldings and has discovered he’s quite good at being leader of the herd (as long as his right-hoof-horse chases the scary things away). He’s fast, he’s strong, he’s a teenager and The Ladies love him.
His first love was Amber, a big and curvy, fiery red-head. She was double his age and experienced in love.
He was smitten from the moment she set foot on the yard. And, it would appear, she quite liked him too. They would strut up and down the fields together, mirroring every movement.
“I will spread my smell for you, Amber. See how I own this field.”
“Mmmm, you smell good, Horse.”
“Yes, and I smell so good – back off Billy! – I smell so good, I will kick my poop all over this field for you!”
“Can you do other things?”
“I can do things? What things would you like?”
“Can you strut?”
“Can I strut?! Lady I invented it! Let me show you my giraffe!”
“Very nice. Can you dance?”
“I can dance m’lady. Let’s dance!”
“I am so impressed, Horse! So young, so handsome, so…”
“Uhhh… what do I do? There’s a fence and… what’s she doing? Come sniff my poop again!”
I had received reports from the yard that The Horse had even started destroying fences in his determination to be with Amber. From what I witnessed, this was a result of The Horse arguing with Amber’s reluctant friend, Frankie.
“I will be with you my love! I will break down these electrified barriers!”
“Oh Horse, would you really?!”
“Eh hem… isn’t he a little young for you, Amber. And anyway he’s just flashy. Compensating you know…”
“Back off oldie! She’s mine! You’re always there Frankie, just, there! And you, Billy! EVERYONE LEAVE MY AMBER ALONE!”
“Compensating…”
“Oh wow, Horse, your kicks are so strong. You took that fence post out so cleanly.”
“Yes, I am strong m’lady. I will even kick my best friend for you if you ask me to.”
“Oh geez, I’m staying out of the way. I do not want to be kicked.”
The Horse had never liked Frankie much, but from that point The Horse had labelled Frankie, The Enemy.
Some months later Amber moved away, the seasons changed and love was no longer of concern.
The following year when Spring returned, there was a new love interest about the yard – Ruby. (Notice the interest in gems?)
Ruby, another red head, was small and dainty, a year younger than The Horse. Their flirting was of a different style.
Sprinting up and down the fence line together was the best way for them to express their romance. Other techniques involved The Horse trying to pick Ruby up by her rug so that he could put the mare in his field. This failed and quickly resulted in The Horse having a paddock with no female neighbours.
It will be interesting to see if The Horse finds love again this Spring, or will the fact that he is currently sharing a field with his first mother figure on the yard change his approach? All I can be grateful for is that The Horse does respect mares. No means No and he understands that mares have moods.
If there is a love he will crave this Spring, I believe it will be that of his best friend, Billy. Unfortunately, they won’t be able to play together for some months yet. They will just have to make do with rides together.
Whatever you may do for Valentines Day this year, just don’t try flirting like The Horse. It will only get you into trouble. And if Valentines Day isn’t for you, celebrate it by spending time with the loyal and playful love of friends.
The Horse and I 